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some update
Hello! It's been a while since I posted here.
I’ve been really busy, and honestly, it feels like I’m dealing with executive dysfunction. Lately, I just feel so lazy and keep procrastinating—even when it comes to doing things I want to do. It makes everything harder, like I can’t function properly.
I started noticing this after reading about other people’s experiences with executive dysfunction, and weirdly, so much of it sounded just like me. Maybe... I really do have something like ADHD, or some other mental or neurodivergent condition like autism or a neurological disorder that's affecting my behavior.
I actually used to go to therapy with a psychiatrist, but it didn’t really help. It felt like the therapist just wanted to give me meds rather than work with me to actually improve things. I know depression might be part of it too, since I’ve been diagnosed with depression and constantly have suicidal thoughts.
I don’t really know how to handle this. My country does have healthcare, but the system is terrible, and from what I’ve heard, it’s really hard to get ADHD medication. ugh.
I know I need to do more research before jumping to conclusions about ADHD, but I’m planning to look into it more so I can hopefully get diagnosed and receive the right treatment. I really need it so bad, it’s affecting how I function at work and in daily life.
Sorry if my updates are infrequent or if I’m barely on social media. I think I need to take a break and get a grip on myself. This executive dysfunction is seriously messed me up.
God, I hate being mentally ill or possibly having a neurodivergent condition. I know I might sound like an asshole for saying this, but it’s not fucking fun at all. It’s not fun when it’s ruining your life—when you can’t do basic tasks, and your performance at work and in life falls apart. Sometimes I feel like I’m just on autopilot or barely function properly. Even feeding myself feels like a chore, despite being hungry. Even showering feels like too much, despite it's for my hygiene. It’s horrible. Genuinely, I would sell my soul to a demon or go through some unethical treatment if it meant I could just get rid of this. No kidding.
Sorry for the downer mood—i just really needed to vent.
Also, I will reply some comment to people who commenting on my post, sorry if it took so long.
I’ve been really busy, and honestly, it feels like I’m dealing with executive dysfunction. Lately, I just feel so lazy and keep procrastinating—even when it comes to doing things I want to do. It makes everything harder, like I can’t function properly.
I started noticing this after reading about other people’s experiences with executive dysfunction, and weirdly, so much of it sounded just like me. Maybe... I really do have something like ADHD, or some other mental or neurodivergent condition like autism or a neurological disorder that's affecting my behavior.
I actually used to go to therapy with a psychiatrist, but it didn’t really help. It felt like the therapist just wanted to give me meds rather than work with me to actually improve things. I know depression might be part of it too, since I’ve been diagnosed with depression and constantly have suicidal thoughts.
I don’t really know how to handle this. My country does have healthcare, but the system is terrible, and from what I’ve heard, it’s really hard to get ADHD medication. ugh.
I know I need to do more research before jumping to conclusions about ADHD, but I’m planning to look into it more so I can hopefully get diagnosed and receive the right treatment. I really need it so bad, it’s affecting how I function at work and in daily life.
Sorry if my updates are infrequent or if I’m barely on social media. I think I need to take a break and get a grip on myself. This executive dysfunction is seriously messed me up.
God, I hate being mentally ill or possibly having a neurodivergent condition. I know I might sound like an asshole for saying this, but it’s not fucking fun at all. It’s not fun when it’s ruining your life—when you can’t do basic tasks, and your performance at work and in life falls apart. Sometimes I feel like I’m just on autopilot or barely function properly. Even feeding myself feels like a chore, despite being hungry. Even showering feels like too much, despite it's for my hygiene. It’s horrible. Genuinely, I would sell my soul to a demon or go through some unethical treatment if it meant I could just get rid of this. No kidding.
Sorry for the downer mood—i just really needed to vent.
Also, I will reply some comment to people who commenting on my post, sorry if it took so long.